Starting Over

When I got divorced, everything changed… and so did I.


For so long my identity has been tied to others…

When I was 19 I got married. Now if we are being real, that is way too young to decide something so important. My entire self was so wrapped up in my marriage. My spirituality which used to be the most important piece of me even stemmed from my partner.

When I got divorced, everything changed… and so did I.

It was like I divorced myself. I had no idea who I was when I was just me. It is something I am still trying to learn.

I went from home all the time to working 40 hours a week with a mere 14 days between the moment of leaving to the moment I moved into a new place, and began a new life. Not much time to rebound, but it seemed enough.

I found myself, then I proceeded to lose myself again. I went from having this idea in my head of exactly who I was, this stay-at-home mom, who had a family who she put before herself, so much so that my health had completely deteriorated. I was over-weight, depressed, and had no life outside of momhood. I took pride in my home and my kids. I had given up hope of any sort of dreams. I had decided to just live the small life, and I was okay with it. But life had other plans.

It turns out 14 days wasn’t really much of a respite. My feelings of loss were beginning to trickle into my life. I guess I was so numb from the change that I didn’t realize I was feeling anything. The extreme happiness I was feeling when I first left slowly began to show signs of anger.

How dare he STEAL my identity by forcing my hand.

I suppose that I wasn’t taking responsibility for my choices. You see, I left. But I didn’t realize that I wasn’t owning my choice.

Then, I met someone.

It was the worst time for him to show up, but I am glad he did. You see, he opened my eyes.

I started laughing again.

It may seem crazy, a man showing up in my life out of nowhere. At least it seemed crazy to me. I know fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it put him in my life.

Then other feelings began to surface. Fear of a possible new loss. Sorrow over the things that I lost… time with my kids, a moderately comfortable life. Mainly, the sorrow over the loss of my identity.

I have a hard time answering questions as simple as what is your favorite food… I know that is silly, and small, but I still don’t really know what it is, and I left more than two years ago.

So for me to be able to answer something as big as “What do you want to do with your life?”, is next to impossible. I actually have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I am hoping that through this journey I can begin to learn who I am, what I love, and where I want to go in life.

Funny thing is when I look in the mirror I don’t see me.

I see a woman who is a stranger. Someone who is blonde, more fit that I have been in my entire life, and recently plasticly enhanced. I no longer look like the old me. It is strange to see me.

So I suppose the urge to re-make myself has enhanced the realization that I have no idea who I am.

So here I am in a new place, living a different life, trying to figure out who I am. And whether I truly find my destiny or not, the ocean will wash away my troubles, and the sand feels nice between my toes.

What Motivates People?

Motivation. Drive. Passion.

Are these things all the same? Have you ever looked at your situation and asked yourself, “What exactly is it that got me here?” Or, “Why did I DO that?”

These questions which we may not always want to ask ourselves may just be the thing that you need to help bring yourself to the next level.


Different things motivate different people. Some people do well when receiving incentives, others do better when people talk them up, where others excel when they are pushing against something or “showing them”.

It is pretty interesting looking at what is behind a person’s drive. If this peaks your curiosity, you may be on the journey of self discovery.

We all have a reason to continue pushing through… If you also enjoy studying and spending time using self-reflection it can make you begin to wonder, “What is the thing that makes me dig my nails in and try harder?” It may take some time to discover the reason behind your why, but it is worth putting in the thought.

Nature vs. Nurture

We are all conditioned from birth to behave in specific ways. Raised by our parents to respond better to specific behaviors. Some parents yelled or showed disappointment, so children of these people might work hard to keep the peace around them, thus becoming people-pleasers. Others parents may have spanked, creating people who maybe don’t mind being confrontational. While others still, had parents which rewarded with nice words, creating people who are working for the next pat on the back or compliment. There are many different types of parenting, and different approaches to how people motivate their children to follow directions.

It is important to realize we can have a change of heart, and decide to be motivated for different reasons than just these simple rewards that are given in the workplace.

Behavioral motivations can be different than the Reason that we all choose to be motivated.

The reason behind the drive you have may be caring for your family, gaining that extra dollar, or the prestige behind what the next promotion is going to give you. In some cases though, the motivation is of a higher calling, making a difference in the world, and saving lives.

Now you ask, what does it matter what the driving motivation in your life is?

There is some stock in appreciating the fire which resides in your soul. Working from a place of Love or Passion will push you farther, and may help you reap the benefits of your full potential. There is always a deeper reason which is motivating a person, learning exactly what it is that motivates us may just give us that little extra that we need to achieve our future success. Tapping into our own personal meaning of life and then using that as our own personal motivation will help to almost propel us into our best possible future.

Finding our own motivations and exploring the “why” in our lives is a form of self-exploration, almost an act of self-love.

Learning the art of self-love can be difficult, but if we take the time to learn more about ourselves and our motivations we can set ourselves up for success.


Every morning I wake up and I look at the ceiling and I wonder how I got here. From that beautiful view on the ocean back to our dreary home town. The dark is thick as I pick myself up off the living room floor. Taking on the endeavor of renovating a rundown tiny house to reduce my carbon footprint and prove to myself that I am self sufficient has been an ordeal that I am pretty close to done with. The lack of privacy alone is enough to make a girl cringe, and the lack of a bed (due to lack of space) is making my body ache in all the wrong places.
Today is the day that I start fresh. The long grueling days of working two jobs will hopefully be over soon, and the days where I get to spend time with my family are right around the corner… or at least that is what I keep telling myself. 3AM isn’t just a song anymore, it is the time that I rise to meet the day’s challenges.
Sometimes I run out the door pulling on my clothes and shoes in under 5 minutes. Other days I put on the kettle and he makes something for breakfast and we eat and talk about what our day will bring, or watch a silly show on Netflix snuggled up on the couch. These moments in the morning on days when I only have to work one job, these are my favorite.
The few sweet, precious moments while the world is still asleep and it feels like just the two of us alone against the darkness.
In these moments I often ponder what it is that draws us to our significant others, and the things that allow us to connect or cause some sort of detachment. For quite sometime these things were a mystery to me, and for the most part still are, but I have been researching quite a bit in the last year. I have watched well over 1,000 videos on relationships, and I have started reading probably 20 different books… And I know that men still confuse me.
Hey, I said started ūüėČ not completed.
It seems to me that the more that I am learning about our hormones the more I am understanding women and our bodies, and the waves that we ride.
I love Dr. John Gray.
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus was probably my favorite book that I invested time in last year, and I actually completed that one from cover to cover. I gobbled it up and wanted more. I am considering rereading it, just because it was that good, and I seriously recommend it to anyone who will read it.
I don’t know about you, but I know that as a woman I am an emotional being… According to him the most emotional he has ever met, which is saying something if you know my guy. If you ask me it balances out, but who am I to say. It seems to me that I can find meaning in even the tiniest of things.
A butterfly, the time, the way the wind tousles my hair… but that is just me I guess, trying to explain away the universe. So you must understand that if there is meaning in everything that every tiny detail counts… which can get me a little emotional.
I have been seeing 444 everywhere for the last few days, and I am glad.
It is supposed to represent being on the right path, and Lord knows we all need to be there. It is challenging for me to just trust and believe, because during transition I find myself staggering around struggling to find my footing, and coming home has definitely been more of a transformation, or an awakening than I ever expected out of this God forsaken place.
To truly understand that you must know that I wasn’t exactly the most popular, or the best dressed in the town that we are from… and I promised myself I would never move home.
I kept that promise for 16 years… but here I am anyway.
Over the last few years I have made several changes to my body, diet, and lifestyle. While I do still indulge in a candy bar here or there, I do not eat gluten, have dairy, and most of the time our food isn’t processed. The weight fell off, but I still felt lost, and when we moved to Florida last year, I found that to be more true than ever.

Are the Little Things Really That Big?

Everyday people get caught up in their small problems, the trash didn’t get taken out, the kids didn’t clean their room and through a fit, or your partner didn’t hug you enough… Guess What People, We choose our own paths. Do the small things really need to add up so much that we let them wear on us?

If your trash needs taken out get off your ass and do it. If your kids were having a crazy fit and didn’t clean up, find your center and try parenting them. And if your partner didn’t hug you and you are having an issue, Shame on You. If you want something in your relationship Add it Yourself. You can hug them… If we want something in our relationship don’t expect our partner to fulfill it, add it yourself, and see how quickly they start shining.

We have the ability to rise above the small things, and remember that the important thing is to smile, to spend our time laughing, and loving the people around us.

Life is Short. Not all of you know this, but my dad died at the age of 26.

He is an amazing man that I never really knew, I have out lived him by 5 1/2 years. It is crazy to think that he didn’t even get as much time as I have had on this earth, and all the stories that I hear are about how he was Happy, and Funny, and Boisterous.

We can all take a lesson from a person like that. Live everyday to the fullest. Enjoy Every Moment with your loved one, because we never know what tomorrow will bring. Our tomorrow could be cut short by a bus running us over.

So is that trash worth a fight? Or those kiddos… do they need you to yell at them or do they need you to find compassion and love and patience? And that loved one… do you think that they are going to feel more loved if you complain that they didn’t hug you enough?

Remember life is all a matter of perspective.

Choose to be happy.

Choose LOVE.

How To Reduce Anxiety

Consider this. What if we STOP pressuring ourselves?

That tight feeling in your throat, the pressure of an invisible creature on your chest, and the inability to decipher the reason behind it.

As horrifying as it feels to the person experiencing it, anxiety is more prevalent than we would like to believe. More so in women than men by 50%, and 6.8 million adults are affected.

We have so much stress in our lives now a days that it is not a surprise that anxiety is running rampant through our society. Think of all the things we have to do throughout the day, and all the extra pressures that are placed on women, for instance the standard of looking perfect, having a great career, being the perfect mom, the perfect spouse, the perfect friend. Now this is only a small list, I am sure there are many other things on your list.

Consider this. What if we STOP pressuring ourselves?

Then what? What is so bad about not being perfect? I am not saying to totally give up. What I am saying is this, learning to laugh at ourselves and keep moving forward instead of getting so down about not being at our goal at this moment that we lose focus. Getting caught up in silly stories that our egos create and we repeat in our minds. These stories that we tell ourselves are creating our reality. And who wants anxiety in there reality? Not me. And for sure not you either.

What can we do as women to reduce the anxiety in our lives and create a better reality? Well, there are a ton of options:

  1. yoga-now yoga is actually an activity which is supposed to prepare your body and mind for meditation.
  2. meditation-well of course I had to add this after the last one, meditation has been proven to reduce blood pressure, and anxiety.
  3. breathing relaxation technique-basically it is a 5/5/5 ratio on your breath; counting to 5 during your inhale, holding for a count of 5, and releasing slowly for the same count of 5.
  4. aromatherapy-using lavender and ylang ylang oils in a diffuser or applying directly to the skin, provided it is the type which is okay to be used topically, can be extremely helpful in reducing anxiety.
  5. exercise-getting your blood flowing can not only improve your health, but also reduces the cortisol and adrenaline in your body thus reducing stress and hopefully anxiety.

All of these practices help a person to come to the Now. When you are living in the now there is no anxiety. So it might take a while, but like with everything with practice comes improvement.

The idea is to learn to accept who you are right now.

If we can do this, and still keep our goals and aspirations in mind then we can grow, while reducing our anxiety.

Lao Tzu stated that if you are anxious you are living in the future.

Joy can only be found in the now. Peace can only be found in the now. So release the idea of “What If” and focus on the RIGHT NOW.

Women Supporting Each Other

Competition is a big deal, especially between women. Whether it is in the work place, or at the beach, we are constantly looking at each other, and making judgments or comparisons.

It is still hard to be a women today even thought the women’s rights movement took place in 1848. We work the same jobs as men yet make less, in some cases when we are more qualified for the position than our male counterpart. So it is no real surprise that women are tearing each other down, especially in a work environment where there isn’t much room to advance.

When we look at the way that men and women compete men are more upfront about their competition. Women tend to use other methods… including but not limited to talking bad about each other and excluding possible competition.

What about those moments outside of work? What about when we are trying to make friends?

A few weeks ago I had an experience on a rafting trip that wasn’t the best. It reminded me of being that nerdy teen again. I felt awkward and completely out of place. I allowed someone else into my bubble and then proceeded to give them the sword to pop it. Being bullied by a woman and then allowing her comments to get to me.

The thing is, when we look at the science behind this we are both at fault.

The woman who is doing the attacking is doing so because she is feeling inadequate. Both hating on the woman, while wishing she were like her.

You see when women¬†are in those situations and find themselves picking apart another woman because we see her as competition, we are actually buying into the idea that they¬†are not as good as her. Truthfully they¬†are simply lacking in not only the self-esteem that it takes to appreciate another person as they are being able to recognize that appreciating another’s beauty does not take away from her own, but also lacking the kindness to remember that the woman being hated on¬†is just another girl¬†trying to find her place in this world.

The woman being attacked is also at fault for allowing herself to Believe what the other woman is dishing out. You see taking to heart the meanness someone else is dishing up for you is undermining your own Amazing Qualities.

The Bully might be the instigator, but allowing ourself to become a victim is on You.

We have the ability to choose who we allow into our lives. We can choose what kind of people we keep around… whether that be beautiful, shining, supportive friends, or nasty people who are going to tear you down.

There are all kinds of reasons for our competition. Some of these have been described as physiological, and are a constant variable affecting us on a subconscious level. Another idea is based off of Darwin’s theory about intra-species competition (vying for the prized mate). I believe that we women have the ability to change the situation, and begin supporting other women. Choosing to be above the B.S.

There are two types of women. Those who bring each other up, and those who tear each other down.

One of my favorite things happened yesterday. Another beautiful queen showed signs of rising above in the competition war. And moments like that give me hope that we as women can band together and truly rise. Thanks to her for inspiring this blog post.


Learning Who I Am With Age

It is nice to be loved for who you are, not just the idea of who you can be.

So I recently had a visit from my sweetest aunt. The one who is sensitive, and gets me. The one who loves me because I am loud and weird. It is nice to be loved for who you are, not just the idea of who you can be.

On a regular basis I am pretty ridiculous. Completely weird, talking to strangers about how I love the way they smell (their perfume, lol), or how I randomly give compliments to strangers more than most people. The funny thing is while not everyone appreciates that I am loud, and give weird compliments to strangers in the grocery store, I love this about me.

I think it makes a difference in people’s day to hear little compliments when they are heart felt and to the point.

When we love people for who they are… and I mean love as in loving their energy, their soul, that awesome vibe which they are radiating… then it helps them to love themselves just a little more, and thus improving the way they are viewing the world. (What we see in others is also in ourselves.)

You can show people the world is kind, the world is caring, the world is a GOOD PLACE, simply by showing that you care. I know it is strange, but sometimes you just have to hug a stranger.

I read an article this morning about growing confidence. The main point in it was to learn to love who you really are, appreciating the thing that you bring that others can’t. Accepting the gifts that you were born with and focusing on sharing those things with the world.

Knowing who you really are and accepting it will increase your confidence.

So then I began to ponder… “If I don’t know who I am, how can I gain confidence?” I realized I need to think about the gifts that I bring to the world so that I can find my essence.

My Aunt gave me some great advice. She told me that in your 30’s you really begin to learn who you are, and stand up for yourself. You really start to appreciate you.

So Here I am in my 30’s… 31 to be exact, and I am beginning the journey.

I know a few things about myself… I know that I am loud. I know that I do not like injustice, and that I stand up for what is right if faced with wrong doing. I know that I want people to feel loved and supported, and try and show that support through kind words and hugs. I know that sometimes I am too much for people, and I know that is okay. I also know that I love to shock others with silly things, and that my love for alternative-ness is one of my favorite characteristics.

Oh and this week I learned that my favorite food is Anything Seafood. I am looking forward to more discoveries about self, and beginning to gain confidence as I go.